For many couples, Valentine’s Day is a time for celebration and expressing their love. Yet, for the uncommitted during this hearty holiday, here are 10 ways to escape a relationship:
1. Eat a bag of salsa Doritos, onion rings, garlic fries and other favorite bad-breath food.
2. Adapt an annoying catchphrase, preferably from a movie your significant other hates.
3. Forget every holiday, birthday and anniversary. Make sure to put a lot of emphasis on those days but for trivial reasons such as the start of a new TV series.
4. Start to love what the person hates. Make an effort to find every one of his or her pet peeves and exploit them.
5. Repeat what your significant other says in a high-pitched mocking tone.
6. Erase your significant other’s TV shows saved on the DVR and replace them with chick flicks or long documentaries about obscure car parts.
7. Post “He/she is so amazing… had so much fun all night” on Facebook or Twitter, knowing full well your girlfriend/boyfriend wasn’t with you that day.
8. Tell your significant other your other boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t like you dating other people.
9. Tell your significant other you have to go into witness protection but can’t reveal the details. Then promptly make your escape.
10. Fake time travel. First, spend a few weeks writing scientific equations. Then, rent smoke machines. When you are ready to leave, activate the smoke machines while yelling, “It worked!” With the smoke too thick to see, quickly make your exit. Keep on driving until you are far, far away.
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